


Lord of the Juul

by GildedHeart



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Crack, How Do I Tag, My First Work in This Fandom, excessive use of middle school slang, i hate this, jack is a soundcloud rapper, piggy is a takis hoe, ralph is a preppy kid that wears vineyard vines, they might be american or summin like dat, this is actually my first fic ever so yuh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GildedHeart/pseuds/GildedHeart
Summary: When a group of hormonal middle school SoundCloud rappers are left to defend themselves with nothing but a Juul and their decision making in the midst of a bathroom, what's the worse that could happen?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Lord of the Juul

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! I decided to finally publish this as I had this chilling in google docs for over a year after reading LOTF for English class. This is mad cringe so I apologize if y'all loose some brain cells luvs
> 
> Tw for brief mentions of a school shooting and use of the r slur

A fair haired boy poked his head from the side of the stall door “Is anyone there?” he asked with a quiver in his voice. He fully stepped out from the stall and observed his new surroundings. The boy quickly familiarizes himself with the tiles of the dirty floor, the black and white speckled stalls. “Another lock down drill, I guess” he said aloud. The blond boy walked to the mirror to adjust his fire fit of khakis and Vineyard Vines. 

“No it's not.” said a mysterious presence. The boy whipped his head around to see a short and thicc boy with glasses standing in the doorway of a stall diagonal from him. Ralph scanned his eyes over the boy before he questioned him.

“What? Who are you?” The fat boy emerged from the stall to look at the blond face to face. He fiddled with his bag of open Takis.

“Before I tell you anything, I just want to make sure that you know my name is not Piggy. A lot of the other guys call me that but it’s not my real name.” The fair haired boy stares for a bit in confusion ”Uhh, okay. My name is Ralph. That is my real name. The other guys call me that too.” Ralph lets out a laugh as he mocks the other boy. The plump boy brushes it off as he pushes up his convenience store glasses

“Anyway, as I was saying, that was not a drill. Didn’t you hear the gunshots? They were very loud and didn’t sound like a sound effect-” The boy continued to justify his explanation that their current situation was a result of a shooting and not a lockdown drill. However, Ralph was spaced out and more entertained with putting his hands under the hand dryers then listening to some talking to him. “-and that’s why my parents decided to name me that” Piggy proudly proclaimed. 

Suddenly, from the corner of Ralph’s eye he spots a small shiny rectangle shaped object by the urinals. Ralph hopped off the sink counter and walked to the object. He was simply gravitated to this sleek piece of craftsmanship.

Piggy looked as he walked by “Hey were you even paying attention!?” Ralph continued to ignore the boy as he crouched down to pick the object. Ralph brushed himself off as he got up and closely examined the small object. 

Piggy peeked over Ralph’s shoulder to see what Ralph is bewitched by. “That’s a Juul! My neighbor uses one of those after my aunt goes to his house on Friday nights. She smells as sweet as a mango tree when she comes home on Saturday mornings. He always asks me on my way to school if I want to take a fat puff from it but I can’t on account of my asthma.” Ralph annoyingly looked at Piggy as he continued to blabber “Does it look like I care about your assmar or your MILF aunt?” 

Ralph immediately went back to look at the so-called Juul. Piggy muttered under his breath “It’s called asthma, pleb.” Ralph continued to turn the object in his hand as he looked at it with fascination. Ralph held the Juul up to his lips and inhaled. He coughed a few seconds after, smoke escaping his mouth into the bathroom. Ralph felt himself being put under it’s magic spell as it ignited a flame in him that he never knew had. Piggy alarmingly looked up at Ralph and smiled “That’s it! That’s what you have to do!”. Suddenly a loud clatter emitted from the opposite side of the bathroom.

A large shadow emerged from the corner of the bathroom. The thing stepped forward into the light. The boys are separated into two straight lines all wearing airpods. The airpods were clearly for bumping to their leader’s savage mixtape. An angular redhead wearing iced out drip was leading the pack of hormonal middle schoolers. The intoxicating mango aroma from the Juul lingered throughout the bathroom. 

“Who’s the hall monitor with the Juul?” yelled the ginger with the fuccboi haircut. He glanced throughout the room until he locked eyes with Ralph “Oh. It’s just you.” he said disappointedly. 

Ralph sneered as he looked over the fire headed boy.

“You know Jack, you don’t have to hollar. I’m just a few feet away from you.”

Piggy whispered into Ralph’s ear as he cowered behind him “You...you know him?” 

“Jack and I go way back.” Ralph quickly responded. His beef with Jack started back when they decided to go their separate ways as rappers. Ralph’s career as a Christian rapper has since taken a hiatus as he didn’t have the funds for face tattoos. Jack continued to spit fire bars about his nonexistent rough upbringing in “the hood”. Ralph was always confused about that bit considering his parents were both well off and gave him all the drip he ever desired.

Jack walked over to Ralph with his cronies close on his heels. “Long time no see.” Jack proclaimed.

Ralph felt his face getting warmer by the second. “Yeah. I heard you dropped a new mixtape.”

Jack’s face lit up when Ralph mentioned that “So you heard! Did you listen to the track yet?” 

Ralph’s face became blank “To be honest, I haven’t. And I don’t plan on listening to it either.” For a split second, Jack’s bright face turned into a pained expression then to a face of irritation. Ralph would never subject himself to that devil worshiping music.

Suddenly a loud thump echoed throughout the bathroom corridor. A groupie shouted in response to the noise “Lil Merridew, Simon fainted again!”. Some random soft boy was lying face down on the ground. Jack and Ralph turned around as they saw the boy lying unconscious. 

Jack ‘Lil Merridew’ rolled his eyes as his eyes landed on the boy “Simon faints all the time. He fainted in math class yesterday and in English the week before.” A couple boys dragged Simon against a wall. Ralph was puzzled for a moment “Is...Is your rap name ‘Lil Merridew’?” Jack gave a crooked smile “Of course it is. That shit’s fire.” 

Ralph muttered under his breath “I think it’s a really weak name in all honesty. It’s just your last name with the word ‘Lil’ in the front of it.” Jack became livid. Ralph was buggin if he thought that he could judge Jack’s hood name when he didn’t even listen to his mixtape.

“Aight, I only go by Lil Merridew when I’m with my main crew.” Jack said, trying to amend Ralph’s original statement. 

Ralph rolled his eyes “Yeah okay.”

Ralph cleared his throat as he turned to the large group of middle schoolers; All ranging from Lil Merridew's crew of 8th graders to the anxious groups of 6th graders. 

“Listen up everyone. We need to organize some type of order here. We can’t just have a free-for-all here. I don’t know for sure how long we are going to be locked in here.”  
A couple of the younger groupies whimpered at that statement.  
“But don’t be scared, as long as someone finds cell service in here we can call our way out. However in the meantime we have to set up a couple of rules. I found this here Juul” Ralph raised the Juul with his arm so that everyone can see it, like a beacon of light in a dark storm.

“Whoever is the leader can take a hit from it to call a meeting. Whoever holds the Juul can talk, so not all of us speak at once. Only the leader has the right to intervene when someone is holding the Juul. ” 

Jack pushed his hair back in annoyance as Ralph kept rambling “So who’s going to be the leader?” he questioned. Ralph’s cerulean blue orbs sparkled in delight as he heard that question “Well Jack, we are going to let the people vote for whoever the leader should be.” 

Ralph raised his voice as he faced the crowd “Whoever thinks I should be leader, raise your hands.” Virtually everyone raised their hands. Who else could be leader then the captain of the modified soccer team? Jack stepped forward “If you think I should be leader, raise your hand.” No one raised their hands. “Aight. I guess I'm the leader now.” Proclaimed Ralph. “My first order of business is that you can have a moment to sort yourselves out.”

Jack was saltier than the Dead Sea at the end of the 15 second election. He saw his entire fanbase dissipate in a matter of seconds, removing their Airpods. One e-boy named Roger had the audacity to skip up to Jack and verbally insult him “Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but the name Lil Merridew was kinda retarded, dude.”

At last Piggy piped up from behind Ralph (Did I mention he was still cowering behind him?) “Perhaps you have a superiority complex, Jack. The people have spoken and you’re already about to throw hands.”

Jack became flushed with anger “Who the hell is this fatboy?” 

Ralph turned around and looked at Piggy. “Oh uh-Jack this is Piggy, Piggy this is Jack.” 

Piggy looked at Ralph “But Ralph I told you not to tell them that! My name isn’t Piggy.” 

Ralph glanced back at Piggy “Sorry about that-” 

Jack suddenly stepped through them and stared down Piggy. “Well that’s your name now, big boy. Or should I say Piggy” Jack gave a wry smile. Piggy was on the verge of tears as he started pulling on Ralph’s sleeve 

“Ralph I told you not to tell them...and you did it anyway.”

Ralph rolled his eyes at the sight of him. “If you didn’t want me to call you Piggy, why did you introduce yourself as that? It’s your fault you didn’t tell me your real name. It can’t be worse than Piggy.” Piggy slowly backed away from him and shuffled into a stall.

Ralph took out the Juul that was in his pocket and ripped a fat cloud which could be seen by almost everybody. The boys swarmed to the cloud like moths to a light. 

“Alright we’re going to assign some groups so we could try to get out of here as fast as possible. How about Lil Merridew’s former crew can make S.O.S Tik Tok’s so people can see that we are struggling?” Ralph shouted.

The rest of the boys murmured in agreement as they dispersed like ants trying to come up with some moves that are worthy enough to get on the for you page.

**Author's Note:**

> "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'"- me when i was editing this
> 
> So congrats on making it this far! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated so I can try to conceive a second chapter.


End file.
